When your body gets to a chronic state there is no pill that will give you that quick fix. That will create that instant relief and get you back to feeling normal. When your body is so far depleted the only true medicine is rest, recovery, rejuvenation and time. Time heals all.
Chronic illnesses are something that are not always understood by traditional health specialists. They don’t understand the intrinsic of the way the body works outside of particular medical illnesses. When you do not fit a particular box, you become a ‘difficult patient’ as if you are the reason that you are now ill. Unfortunately, you may have to go through a few specialists before you find the one that can truly help you. That can truly heal you. That can finally fix you. It’s tough.
Doctor after doctor. Specialist after specialist. Everyone promising you the world. That they hold the answers for your recovery. That they hold the answers to your illness. Months go by where you don’t feel like you are not getting anywhere but they insist it takes time. Before you know it, you are 6 months in, and nothing has changed. They refuse to call for help or refer you elsewhere as they want to be the one to fix you. Sometimes their ego gets in the way. So, there you have it, feeling like you have wasted months with a practitioner who has only taken money from you. Has given you nothing in return for pain relief and instead left you with a growing sense of hesitation and resentment. So on to the next specialist you go - repeating the whole cycle again.
Promises. Hope. Disappointment. Mustering the courage to keep trying to move forward.
This can take its toll. The constant changing in doctors, the constant disappointments, the constant faith bubbles being popped- you start to lose hope that you will ever get better. That someone can help you. That you can mend yourself. It’s hard to stay motivated and retain your faith when all you receive are constant setbacks, constant disappointments, constant broken promises.
The worst is when you spend so much time and energy with a specialist and then feel like you have gotten nowhere after months- you start to think about all the money you spent on them with little help back in return. It’s almost like you should get a cut back as they haven’t fulfilled their part of the bargain. They didn’t fix you. They let their ego rule the show before finally after months and dollars wasted to no avail, gave up and referred you off to the next specialist who ‘might’ be able to help.
So unable to work, needing money to pay for the treatments, having to rely on your family for support like you were a child again and needing to move back home- makes you feel like your life has and continues to come crumbling down. Like you cannot control any of it anymore.
You need money for the treatments yet can’t work because of your sickness- it’s a catch 22. You can’t win.
So instead of saving and using the money towards clothes, going out, a pamper session or a house, it’s going towards your medical expenses that continue to rise and continue to keep you in constant debt. You feel guilty if you try to treat yourself to some clothes, to jewellery or even a coffee as why should you be spending money on that when you need to be spending money on your health- you don’t have money saved to be spending on disposable products and if you did then you shouldn’t be relying on your parents for health funds, should you?
The stress and pressures we put on ourselves can be extreme. When you are faced with a chronic illness you should be resting and recovering yet that little voice likes to come play and makes you question and worry about the stuff that you cannot control. The stuff that makes you feel guilty. The stuff that makes you question your worth and how much of a burden you are to those around you.
Chronic illnesses play a massive impact on your emotional and physical health. The hardest part is trying to keep it at bay and not allowing it to consume you. Not allowing the guilt to creep up. Trying to ride the wave instead of going against it. Trying to catch the positive instead of the negative. Trying to be grateful for what you have instead of what you are missing out on. Trying to be at peace with your illness instead of be at fight with it.
Love from the Italian who loves to speak,