When I was 15 years old I tried to take my own life.
Unsure what I was doing or why I was here. I had so many emotions bubbling away with a growing resentment for myself- it took me to the edge.
No one knew about this except my mum. I kept it locked away and hidden for years. I went through life totally unhappy within and not wanting to be here. I was an expert at hiding my feelings and building up a wall. Not allowing anyone in. I was numb.
Little did I know my Mum lost her Father and Brother to suicide. When I asked her if she noticed anything differently in them she said no. Her Fathers death took everyone by surprise as no one knew what he was dealing with. No one knew of his inner demons. You could imagine the pain in her eyes when she found out about my attempt and the constant thoughts that flooded my mind daily...
I spoke about this in my book 'A Journey to Health- a body does not define' and the hate I had within as I allowed myself to become my own worst enemy. My own worst demon.
I consider myself the lucky one as I came to breaking point.
I knew I had to change.
I knew I had to start healing myself.
I allowed myself to heal and found it therapeutic to talk to someone about it, to write it on paper and remove the memories from my thoughts.
R u ok day is one day that is close to me. It’s often the people we think are fine who are the ones actually suffocating inside. The ones drowning from their thoughts. The ones who are not ok.
So I ask you, next time you see a friend, a loved one, a colleague, even a stranger, ask them if they are ok. Not just ok, but if they are TRULY ok. Allow them time to speak or vent, give them the reassurance that you are there, and provide them the space they need. This could save someone’s life.
If you ever feel upset, unhappy, flooded by constant thoughts and need someone to speak to, please reach out. I am always happy to listen to ANYONE.
Everyone is important.
Everyone is here for a reason.
Everyone deserves to feel heard and loved.
Love from the Italian who loves to speak,